In front of the Taj Mahal in Agra, India

My boyfriend, Fernando and I are at the tail end of a year of travel together. We have been dating for just over 4 years and taking a year off to travel the world has been a dream of ours from pretty much day one.

Before setting off on this journey together I would half-joke that this year was going to “make or break us”. Thankfully, we are still together and stronger than ever.

This hasn’t come without its share of fights, tantrums, monotony and drama. As anyone who’s travelled with their partner would know, you’re suddenly faced with new problems, different stressors and scenarios you’ve never had to deal with before in normal life. But what I can say, being 11 months in, is that it is all so worth it . Unforgettable experiences and amazing memories aside, the extent to which Fernando and I have grown together and our love has strengthened couldn’t have happened without this journey. This quality time together, the huge highs and lows, the different challenges faced; we are new and better people today, both individually and together.

My aim in writing this isn’t to showcase how we are the perfect couple with all the solutions, we are far from it — but rather it has been through the challenges, fights and issues that we’ve faced over the last year of travel that these lessons have been learnt. I just hope through writing this I can shed some light on what it’s really like to travel long term as a couple — past the pretty instagram photos — and help give some insights to anyone considering taking a similar trip with their partner.

I would summarise the challenges or travelling with your partner for a year down to two extreme sides of the spectrum: on one end you have the risk of utter monotony and boredom from being just the two of you for so long but on the other end is the huge blow-out fighting and stress that only travelling can brew up.

So I've written down some main learnings that we've taken onboard throughout the past year and little tips and tweaks that have helped us deal with both sides of the spectrum, here we go!

TWO IS THE LONELIEST NUMBER

At the Great Wall of China

Before embarking on our trip I had ample warning on the fighting and stressful side of travelling with your significant other. But this sense of boredom was something I hadn’t been warned about.

Here’s the hard truth: there’s only so much you can talk about and enjoy as just the two of you, after a while it can feel very lonely and even boring being just two.

We especially felt this in the more foreign, isolating countries such as Japan and China, where in smaller towns we would sit in bars surrounded by people speaking foreign languages and only have each other to talk to. Ofcourse, not every place you visit will be so isolating but here are some strategies we have used to help conquer this:

Read different books

This is one of my favourite insights. Fernando and I are both avid readers and luckily share a lot of the same interests when it comes to spirituality and self help. We enjoy spending time telling each other about what we’re reading and discussing topics it raises. But regardless of whether you share interests or not, reading (or watching) different things gives you so much material to talk about. And believe me, when you spend every minute together and you only have each other to talk to, you will crave new things to talk about and this will come as a welcome change.

Seeing Australia play at the World Cup in Russia

Learn to strike up (meaningful) conversations with others

For some, this will come naturally so you can just go ahead and skip this point. But for me and Fernando, this is something that has taken literally our whole trip to refine. I am a more outgoing person than Fernando but we both struggle to find that “in” with people and even more so, to get past the usual chit-chat (“so where are you from?…”) into more meaningful territory.

For us, free walking tours have been a great way to meet fellow travellers and we’ve even gone further to invite people out to lunch with us after to get to know them more. Staying in social hostels is also a really easy way to meet people as you cook together or share the common space. I have also found that the longer you travel for, the easier it is to let go of your guard and you simply get better at conversations and finding common ground (helps when you have visited the same places!). Needless to say, once you connect with someone cool it breaks up the monotony and allows for new conversation and usually new ideas on where to travel to next!

Take time to be alone

Again, for some people this will just feel obvious but for us, we tend to stick together and find it hard to split up. Having said that, we always appreciate that alone time when we have it and find we come back together with a renewed sense of appreciation for one another and with new stories to tell. This could also fall under the “avoid a fight” category as you need to accept you will not always want to visit the same places and at those times it’s better to just split up so everyone can win.

Have date nights

Long term travel means every day is a holiday… technically. But of course it doesn’t feel like this as travel becomes your norm. So with that said, I think it’s very important to celebrate small things (such as travel milestones or anniversaries) and still do things like “date night” every so often. This can help to shift from the everyday and see your partner in a romantic light again. I do think this is specifically important for people travelling for longer periods of time as you need to make sure you both remember to appreciate the other.

Cocktails on the beach in Ilhabela, Brazil

TRAVEL STRESS IS THE WORST STRESS

Rainy day of sightseeing in Kyoto, Japan

Jumping to the other side of the spectrum… Anyone who has traveled knows of the stress it can induce: missed flights, dodgy cab drivers, food poisoning (been there one too many times!) etc etc. These stressors can wreak havoc on the strongest of relationships. Most of the time these incidents are unforeseeable and therefore hard to plan for. Having said that, here are some ways we have learnt to deal with/mitigate these stressful times:

Division of labour

Travelling as a couple is unique in that you will most likely share a lot of things and travel more as a single unit in comparison to say two friends or family members travelling. I believe it is very important from the get go to establish roles and responsibilities in order to ensure things run smoothly and reduce the risk of fights down the road. I will give you an example of some responsibilities/tasks Fernando and I split (note, most of these have come about due to fights/organically over time, but in hindsight I wish we had established them earlier on):

• We have specific important items (laptop, passports, ipad etc) that we are each individually responsible for. This may sound simple, but if it’s clear who is responsible for what it will save you from the “I thought you packed it?” fight later down the track (big one!).
• I handle pretty much all the planning in terms of booking flights, hostels, choosing restaurants etc. This was initially a pain point for us, especially when we were both tired and lazy (definite fight waiting to happen). But once we established this as one of my "jobs" it cleared up this argument and I took ownership.
• Likewise, handling money organically became Fernando's "job". Some people might find this strange, but Fernando actually handles all the money and I usually don't even carry cash or a card. This is because he tracks every cent we spend through an app, so we are always on top of our spendings. Again, treating this like a "job" removes the possibility for fights as we have both taken ownership of our respective tasks and understand the balance at play.

Have a clear understanding of money

Building on the previous point, I can’t think of a more important thing to work out than your approach to spending before you embark on our trip. Fernando and I have a pool of money that we take from and we also have a set daily budget. This has made our lives so much easier and I am sure has mitigated many fights. Knowing our daily budget helps us make informed decisions on the everyday things such as meals, tours, hotels etc. Having a shared fund means there’s never a debate on who pays, how to split the costs etc.

If you are going to do a shared pool of money, it's incredibly important that you have a discussion as to what you want to spend your money on first.

Are experiences more important than things? Do you favour good food over a good bed to sleep on? Etc. If you are on the same page about these fundamental things early on it can save you a lot of fights down the track.

There have also been times when we have dipped into our own individual funds for more personal items (Fernando has bought two bikes this trip and I have bought beauty products here and there). Having this option is also really important - it will save you from debates as to whether you need that item or not. Having said that, if you are married or don't have excess funds, I would suggest talking about this before you leave or setting aside a little fund for “special purchases”.

One of our most expensive (but worth it!) day trips: Machu Picchu, Peru

Save the fight for later

Taking an overnight bus in Peru

As a hot headed, anxiety-fuelled traveller I will attest that this is way easier said than done. However - it is literally the most important piece of advice if you want to avoid the biggest blowouts.

Now, I hate to say it but when embarking on your long term trip, at some point or another you are very likely to encounter a super shitty, stressful situation.

Perhaps you’ll miss a flight connection, you’ll leave your iPad on the bus (ahem... speaking from multiple experience on this one), the train will be delayed by hours or some other terrible scenario. The point is, this is probably going to happen to you and maybe it will be your partner's fault (or at least you'll see it that way). We have been here, multiple times.

In these situations the most important thing is to THINK CLEARLY. I can’t stress enough how important it is to push aside the fight and just do what you need to do. If you’ve missed your flight,don’t spend a second arguing - you need to find the appropriate desk to go to and figure out your next move. If you lost an item, get to the police or help desk and do everything you can in your power to get it back. The fight can wait, and chances are once you remove yourself from that stressful scenario the fight won't be half as bad.

Also - side note here, good insurance is SO important. In those terrible circumstances that are out of your control, nothing feels better than knowing you will be covered by insurance, this can also ease the stress a lot.

Hiking up to the base of Cotopaxi Volcano, Ecuador

Writing this has made me realise how far Fernando and I have come. We have learnt so much about each other in this time travelling the world and these little tricks we’ve established to make travel run smoother will be very useful when we head back to “real life”.

For anyone who has it in their capacity, I would strongly encourage you to take time out to travel long-term and if it’s with a significant other I hope these words can offer you some help. Just remember, no travelling couple is as perfect as their instagram photos want you to believe. But there are ways to travel smarter so that you can enjoy your partner’s company more and have the trip of a lifetime.

Swimming in the lake in Annecy, France